Recreation Zaper: To Keep Score or Not?

Every Thanksgiving our family has a tradition of playing a backyard football game. When I was a lot younger than I am now, the rules used to be tackle; however, as I have gotten older, those rules have evolved to two-hand touch or flag football. My youngest son is the most competitive of my three boys. He competes hard, tries hard, and when he loses, he loses too hard. He tends to get upset over the final score of a seemingly meaningless game that no one will remember the outcome of just hours later. So, I ask myself the legitimate question: To keep score or not?

This question did not even exist back in the days of my father and grandfather. As coach Herman Edwards of my dad's generation would say, "You play to win the game!" The little voice that was in my head on Thanksgiving Day had no validity then, but does it now? Is the win-or-die attitude in our society healthy for our kids? Does the fact that everyone wants their child to become the next Peyton Manning or Derek Jeter damage them? Maybe. Let's look at three major issues people have with the question of keeping score or not.

Does keeping score take the fun out of the game? Many people would say yes to this question, citing a team that never wins a game all season as a good example. Kids can get frustrated with a lack of success. They ultimately may stop trying or even stop showing up for the games at all. Some individuals may even suggest that competition has no place in the teaching or instruction of skills. The indisputable fact of this viewpoint is that a child not experiencing at least some success can end up devastated.

The opposing point of view of this question also has some valid points. How can a child, or team, gauge whether they are getting better or not without keeping score? Last spring, there was a team in our baseball league that had a tough season. We played them at the beginning of the year and beat them by at least 10 runs. Unfortunately, most of their losses early-on were that way; then something began to change. They got more competitive, and by the end of the year, they had won a game. That one win meant so much to those kids. Hats off to the coach for not giving up and continuing to teach and encourage his team. Heck, they were beating us until the last inning in the playoffs. Getting better, even with a number of losses, was fun.

Does keeping score put too much pressure on our kids too early? The requirements put on our kids today are at an all-time high. Our kids have to balance school, church, family, and sports. School has a number of high-intensity tests throughout the year to measure the kids' knowledge in each subject. Church meets at least once a week, if not two in most cases. Time with mom, dad, brothers and sisters is very important and requires more time. Finally, we have the never-ending sports season. Each sport when I grew up lasted two to three months. Now, a number of sports compete year-round. So, do the kids really need the extra pressure of winning a ball game? Many would argue no.

A number of people would argue that one of the major reasons for some of the significant issues in today's society is the decline of accountability. About two years ago a fairly unknown Detroit Tigers pitcher named Armando Galarraga was one out away from the 21st perfect game in Major League Baseball history. A ground ball was hit to first baseman Miguel Cabrera, and thrown to Galarraga at first for what seemed to be the final out, but the play was misjudged by umpire Jim Joyce and called safe. Instant replay made it clear the runner was out. What made this story a positive one was the way Galarraga and Joyce handled the situation after the game. Galarraga was gracious and forgiving of the mistake by Joyce. Jim Joyce did something even more incredible. He earnestly apologized and took responsibility for his mistake. Based on this example, proponents of answering "no" to this question would argue that the score being kept teaches players that there are consequences for their actions. Keeping score teaches the kids to be accountable to their coach, parents, teammates, and most importantly, to themselves.

Are some parents the real reason why the score should not be kept? Yes. I will never forget my first youth football game, and the police presence that was required for third and fourth graders to play a game. Or the child most coaches avoid drafting like the plague because of the father or mother that stands on the sidelines and yells at their child for every little mistake, often resulting in tears. Or the parent that was thrown out of the game because everything negative that was happening to their son or daughter was the fault of the umpire. Yes, some parents are the reason why we should not keep score, or even allow those parents on the field.

However, a compelling argument can be made by the opposing point of view of this question. If we stopped keeping score would these (for lack of a better term) overzealous parents stop their onslaught on the coaches, referees, and their own children? No. Any mistake or bad call would certainly continue to be ridiculed. It has unfortunately become the duty of coaches, other parents, and teachers to educate kids on how to act on the field or in the classroom. This education may even include shielding his or her players from the actions of the people who love them the most, their parents.

The opinions offered by both sides of this compelling question are justifiable; however, I have come to this conclusion, whether we keep score or not in our backyard football games, someone is going to win and someone is going to lose. Every possession is a win or loss. If the offense scores, they win. If the defense stops the offense from scoring, they win. Regardless of the score being kept or not, the emotions of the game and competition are present. We celebrate and mourn with every play on the field.

Ultimately this is also true in the game of life. We, or the people around us, undoubtedly will keep score. We are going to win some, and we are going to lose some. There is no way around that fact. As Christ says in John 16:33, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. " Teaching our children that it is ok to win, and to lose, prepares them for the trials of life and the world. It is our job as parents, teachers, and coaches to make sure they have the intellectual tools to ensure they handle winning and losing properly. To keep score or not? Keep score.

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather in humility value others above yourselves." - Philippians 2:3

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